I decided to do something a bit different for this year's end of the year post. I know I know we're already four days into the new year, bear with me :) So let's see where this reflective post takes us, shall we???
Back as 2012 was ending I really thought 2013 would be my writing year. What I didn't know was the powers that be had other plans for my 2013 which has taken a good many years since to really learn to handle the lessons of that year.
2013 I had to learn to live without a grandchild. I've always adored children, and my own children were the apple of my eye, then grandchildren entered my world and life was not the same. So losing a grandchild to domestic violence was very difficult for me. I remember praying hard to my ancestors once I realized our little Ali would not make it. I fell to my knees and begged them to help me through this, because I didn't know how to let go of a grandchild.
From that moment forward, it has been difficult to say the least to get myself back on track. As much as I know it was probably for the best Ali got her angel wings, it didn't make it any easier. With her death went my desires to continue those things I loved. So I did what I needed to do to get by and let the rest go.
2014 came and went and we moved into 2015. I decided early on in 2015 to really focus on what is important to me. Not so much things as the people in my life, mainly being a very hands on grandmother.
I didn't just have them over I would incorporate myself into whatever we decided to do. We went on nature walks, had campouts directed solely toward them, I played on the swings, slides, and all the park features with them. It was a valuable life's necessity for me. It helped me gain a new perspective of how my life impacts their lives.
Something I learned from Ali's death was it isn't how long you live in this life but how much we touch the lives of those around us. I've spent the last three years learning lessons from that dark time in my life. I've learned to give whatever I do my all.
Since that time, I've entered the fun world of menopause, had a personal miracle of 95% blockage disappearing right before the doctor's eyes, battled a major depression, and found I can and will survive regardless of what this life throws at me.
So I've spent the last couple of months preparing for this new year. Saying goodbye to the things that have kept me down, learning what is important enough to carry into a new year with me and what things I need to let go of for my own health and well being.
These last few months have also been a reflection of goals, ideas, and things I want to accomplish in the up and coming new year. I am anxious to begin these projects which yes, starting this week, the first week of this new year. I am very determined to push the mark this year, push my limits in a few hand selected areas. I am breaking out of the box, expanding my horizons, and trying a few new things.
Two new things I tried in 2015 was getting my first audio book out there. The Cheyenne Bride went audio this December :) The second thing was self publishing an anthology with a few author friends. The Hope Chest became available the beginning of November. This was a fun project that we will be repeating again this year with the new anthology, The Porch Swing. The other ideas I have going is getting the second in my two series out to all of you, as well as a couple of new projects that I am doing just for fun and to help get me back in the saddle again.
I'm also putting more effort into the world outside my writing. I'm enjoying the new job, being out in the public a bit more than I used to be. I love the new friends I've made through this job. I am enjoying family time more than ever before. Giving of myself in all areas, without completely losing myself in others.
This is going to be a challenging year but a challenge I need to turn things around. In these first four days I've managed to keep my focus on what I need to do. Balance all the things in my life and get some perspective back. Each day I've started the day with goals of what I want to accomplish for just that day and when those are accomplished I allow myself to be satisfied with what I've done instead of saying to myself, "You still have this or that to do." I refuse to give into the feeling of overwhelming and gave myself permission to be happy with what I've accomplished.
I can feel the creative juices beginning to flow again. Something that has been a long time coming back to me. I've long missed that part of who I am and am anxiously awaiting the day when it all returns to somewhat normal again :)
My wish for all of you this up and coming year is for you to find your happiness. Whether it be in the simple every day or the profound awakening of what you want to do or be for the rest of your life. I hope that 2016 brings you all you wish to hold dear in your life!!!
Everyone have a lovely day!!!
Blessings to all!!!