Seeing as today is hubby and I's 32 anniversary I decided why not do a blog on marriage. Now mind you, I am no expert on this matter and this blog is in no way a guideline to go by. Every person is different. What works for one may not work for another. However, I would like to share with you some of the basics for going all in for the long haul.
1. The biggest misconception I've seen about marriage is people believe it is that heart-stopping feeling you get in the beginning. You know butterflies in your stomach, that head in the clouds sort of feeling... Well, that's not marriage. That's first connection. I've heard people say, "I just don't feel it anymore, so I guess it's over." No, it's not over, it's changing. Just like with anything in life, love evolves into a more mature love. It becomes comfortable. Something you can count on to be there even when you don't feel loveable.
2. Another misconception is: You shouldn't have to work so hard at this. Yes, the fact is, you do have to work at it. Every day, every minute, all the time. Marriage is work and it goes a lot smoother if both parties are in sync when it comes to working on the marriage. He's not going to like you every moment of the day, nor are you going to like him. However, that doesn't mean you don't love each other, it just means you are both human and as humans we do things that aren't so likeable sometimes. Does it mean the marriage is over? Absolutely not, it just means you have to work harder to find a happy medium in which the two of you can find balance once again.
3. Marriage is just a piece of paper. I can't tell you how often I've heard this one. Sure, it is a piece of paper, a contract if you will. It's a binding contract that says the two people involved will do their very best to turn that piece of paper into a life well lived. To do this there is give and take. Love mixed with a bit of anger once in awhile. Learning to live together and often times learning how to live together when one or the other is being difficult. Because just like any relationship, marriage isn't all sunshine and roses, there are ups and downs.
4. You don't always have to like the other person, just as long as you always love them. No one is 100% likeable all the time, not even wives and husbands. It's okay. You don't always have to like a behavior in them, but the things you love about them will often times outweigh the things you don't like about them. In long lasting relationships, often the husband or wife will have to recount those things they love about the other to ease the bump in the road of that one thing they are angry about at that moment. It happens, we're all human, not super beings with no faults.
5. Husbands nor wives are fictional characters. I write romance as well as I read romance. In no way am I under the illusion that husbands should be fictional heroes. Don't get me wrong in other aspects of life they are true life heroes. Mine gets the super hero award for putting up with all of my mood swings, being the most amazing father, and making this last 32 years an adventure.
6. Always make each other laugh. Life is full of hardships that can be made lighter by laughter. If you can't laugh at yourself then what can you laugh at? One thing I can definitely say in 32 years of marriage hubby has made me laugh more than he's made me cry.
7. Don't let anger fester. It is okay to get angry once in awhile. We're human after all. However, don't let it stay pinned up just to explode over something meaningless. Come on, you know what I'm talking about. Those occasions when you've finally had enough and the smallest thing is the last straw. If your angry, get it off your chest. Talk to your spouse, let them know they've upset you. More times than not emotional explosions can be avoided just by talking about the issues.
8. Your husband or wife should be that one person in all the world who can see you totally raw. You should be able to talk about even the hard stuff. You should be able to be completely yourself, even those things you don't want anyone else in the world to know about. Sure it opens you up to not be seen the same, but when you're in a marriage, they already know things about you, personal things, that you would rather not have broadcast around :)
9. Love unconditionally. Never put conditions on your love for a spouse. You can do it. You don't put conditions on the love you have for your children, right? Well, it's like that with a spouse too. You can't always be saying things like, "If you don't do this or that I will love you." No, loving another human being doesn't come with terms and conditions. Like I said earlier you don't always have to like them, but you do need to always love them. The most precious gift you can give a person is unconditional love.
So there you have it. My take on what makes a relationship. Don't go into marriage blindly. Because there is nothing more eye opening than realizing you are trying to live in a fantasy world.
Love with all your heart and the rest will heal itself.
Everyone have a lovely day!!!
Blessings to all!!!