Good morning, everyone!!!
Today would be my lovely angel granddaughter's fifth birthday. They say time heals all wounds, but the loss of a grandchild is one of those deep seeded wounds one can never quite get past. No, I don't spend every day in mourning, but everyday her short lived life is still very present in my soul. Even though time goes by and she should be a preschooler in life, she is now forever that tiny little girl who impacted my life in such a way that I am forever altered.
The day she was born I was sitting with my daughter and hubby in a hospital room. We had been trying for weeks to keep her inside the warmth of her mother where she would have a better chance of living life when she did come into the world. The monitors would go crazy if you mentioned chocolate cake, :) So we had brought her mother a lava cake for dessert that day. Because grandma's little angel loved when mommy ate chocolate cake.
I will be forever grateful to the quick reacting doctor who brought her into this world. Otherwise, today would not only be the day of her birth, but the death of her and her mother.
I remember like yesterday the first time I laid eyes on her just a few short hours later. Tubes and monitors, a baby cave, diaper, and no blankets. I was so worried she would get cold, but was assured the baby cave was quite warm. She was so tiny. Her head no bigger than one of those 'cuties' oranges.
I am a firm believer in miracles, but somehow even then I knew this little girl would only have a short time on this earth. She came down from Heaven with a message and then she would be gone.
What was her message?
It was to remind me life is way too short to put off until tomorrow. To love with all your heart even if you know your heart will be broken in the end. That when you are brought to your knees you can still rise and come out stronger than you ever imagined.
When faced with a pain in your soul such as knowing you are powerless to stop what God has started, you buckle under the pressure. I will never forget trying to act strong and inside feeling so helpless and powerless. I remember the night I just knew and how the pain was so horrible I wasn't sure I would make it until the next day. I didn't want to bear that pain. I didn't know how.
I cried out to my ancestors who've gone before us. I begged them to help ease the pain of knowing my little angel would soon be with them. I needed to know she wouldn't be going into the abyss alone. That she has people to love her and care for her in the beyond.
Things began to happen then. Strange things. Things that made me know my ancestors were listening and helping. After her death, so many called me to tell me of their dreams of our loved ones holding a beautiful baby girl, singing to her, playing with her, rocking her. My prayers were answered.
Every year on January 24th I allow myself this day to be absorbed in this loss. I allow myself to remember the pain but I also allow myself to remember the powerful love you brought into my soul. I allow myself to be reminded that the love between grandparent and child is something that can never be broken even with time and distance.
So Happy Birthday in Heaven, my angel. Grandma is so blessed to have known you. To have held you. To have the beauty you brought into my world. I will forever hold you close in my heart.
Everyone have a lovely day!!!
Blessings to all!!!
Today would be my lovely angel granddaughter's fifth birthday. They say time heals all wounds, but the loss of a grandchild is one of those deep seeded wounds one can never quite get past. No, I don't spend every day in mourning, but everyday her short lived life is still very present in my soul. Even though time goes by and she should be a preschooler in life, she is now forever that tiny little girl who impacted my life in such a way that I am forever altered.
The day she was born I was sitting with my daughter and hubby in a hospital room. We had been trying for weeks to keep her inside the warmth of her mother where she would have a better chance of living life when she did come into the world. The monitors would go crazy if you mentioned chocolate cake, :) So we had brought her mother a lava cake for dessert that day. Because grandma's little angel loved when mommy ate chocolate cake.
I will be forever grateful to the quick reacting doctor who brought her into this world. Otherwise, today would not only be the day of her birth, but the death of her and her mother.
I remember like yesterday the first time I laid eyes on her just a few short hours later. Tubes and monitors, a baby cave, diaper, and no blankets. I was so worried she would get cold, but was assured the baby cave was quite warm. She was so tiny. Her head no bigger than one of those 'cuties' oranges.
I am a firm believer in miracles, but somehow even then I knew this little girl would only have a short time on this earth. She came down from Heaven with a message and then she would be gone.
What was her message?
It was to remind me life is way too short to put off until tomorrow. To love with all your heart even if you know your heart will be broken in the end. That when you are brought to your knees you can still rise and come out stronger than you ever imagined.
When faced with a pain in your soul such as knowing you are powerless to stop what God has started, you buckle under the pressure. I will never forget trying to act strong and inside feeling so helpless and powerless. I remember the night I just knew and how the pain was so horrible I wasn't sure I would make it until the next day. I didn't want to bear that pain. I didn't know how.
I cried out to my ancestors who've gone before us. I begged them to help ease the pain of knowing my little angel would soon be with them. I needed to know she wouldn't be going into the abyss alone. That she has people to love her and care for her in the beyond.
Things began to happen then. Strange things. Things that made me know my ancestors were listening and helping. After her death, so many called me to tell me of their dreams of our loved ones holding a beautiful baby girl, singing to her, playing with her, rocking her. My prayers were answered.
Every year on January 24th I allow myself this day to be absorbed in this loss. I allow myself to remember the pain but I also allow myself to remember the powerful love you brought into my soul. I allow myself to be reminded that the love between grandparent and child is something that can never be broken even with time and distance.
So Happy Birthday in Heaven, my angel. Grandma is so blessed to have known you. To have held you. To have the beauty you brought into my world. I will forever hold you close in my heart.
Everyone have a lovely day!!!
Blessings to all!!!