It has been a long time since I've written a blog like this. However, as I was working in my kitchen the other day it came to me and so of course being the person I am I decided to sit down and blog about it. Yep, those of you who follow me know I'm the queen of procrastination ;)
Over the years I always worried internally about being liked, much like a good many of us do. So, I worked hard to be likeable and a good much of the time it was to my own disadvantage. When you try to be perfect in so many areas of life, or want to appear to have it together and look like things are perfect, you screw up, you make enemies, and frankly, you end up questioning yourself on what is real and what is just trying to be liked by someone else.
Over the course of the last several years, you've seen blogs on finding me. You know, weeding out my garden so to speak. I've done a great deal of inner work on myself, looked to my intuition to guide me in the directions I need to go, and find the person I need to be now.
Things like this change every moment of your life. The girl I once was, she was the girl I needed to be at that time. Today, I am the woman I need to be at 50+. I can hear the gasps, "She indicated how old she is..." "Oh my word, women don't tell how old they are..."
LOL, age is just a number, don't ever forget that. In 52 years I've gone through some trials and tribulations, lost myself, found myself, questioned myself, and then learned from my experiences. Life is about growing, not just older, but inwardly. Nothing in life is easy, but it doesn't have to cripple us.
One thing I've learned over the course of time is we all survive the day. Regardless if it is a shitty day, an exciting day, or just a day. We wake up the next day to a brand new horizon, it's what we make of it.
I almost found myself caught up in the bullshit this past few weeks. In fact, for a time I did recognize myself wallowing in it. Then I sat myself down and said, this isn't you anymore, be the grown up you've become and move this day forward.
It wasn't at that moment I realized I had grown past old behaviors, in fact, it took me until just a little while ago to realize I could do today what I thought was impossible in the old days. :)
I also realize I don't surround myself with too many people any longer and those I do only for periods of time. I'm highly aware of the real fact that those around you can easily set your mood if you allow it. I know personally, I am easily swayed in this department. I like to be upbeat, easy going, and find the positive in the day. However, when I surround myself with people and situations that go against this, I find myself being bogged down with the negative and that is something I must not allow myself to do.
I realized, sure I'm a bit quirky. It is who I am. I love doing things that some consider odd, different, or just plain, well, strange :) It is these things that make me unique to me. I shouldn't do something I enjoy just because someone else gives me that 'look' like 'why?'
I live in my head more than in the outside world. I'm more comfortable there :) I wear my pjs in the garden more times than not. I very rarely wear shoes because they confine me. There is nothing like mud between your toes ;) I am always trying something new, because that's how I find I grow in this life. I enjoy planting, harvesting, and canning, freezing, or drying for the winter months ahead. I enjoy cooking, but not for just me. Writing is a way for me to remain in my head for days, and often times people think I'm mad when I'm working on a WIP because I have a hard time going from my characters world to the real world. I love those moments I can make memories with my family or grandchildren. Because one day this will be what I leave behind for them to look back on. Because even though I write a good many stories on immortality, we're all just human and one day our time will come to an end. I love untraditional religion, because I can embrace Spirit each and every day, feel the warmth of spirituality within my soul. I like the personal connection between Spirit and myself and the knowledge that everything in this world is bigger than myself and my here and now.
Yes, learning about who I am has been an exciting adventure to say the least. However, it is learning to accept and embrace who I am that has been the biggest challenge. I love being an author, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I enjoy being me and even when people look at me odd and say, "That's weird." I can accept their unknowing compliment with a smile and say, "Yep, that's me."
Everyone have a lovely day!!!
Blessings to all!!!