I have been sorely neglecting my website and blog this year. I’m truly sorry for this. Life has been on a mild rollercoaster ride lately and between working on this writing career and getting my health back to 100% some days I’m not sure if I am coming or going.
I’ve always been a firm believer in what is in your environment becomes how you feel not only about yourself but in general. I have so many diverse people on my facebook page that a good amount of the time (more so lately than ever before I believe) some of the first posts I see in the mornings to me border the negative. People complaining about this or that or whining. It began to bog me down and really set the wrong mood for my day.
It isn’t just the facebook world that was starting to build with negativity. I guess because of starting my day off with such down and out thoughts, I began to see the distress in everything around me. Recognize the negative patterns of others and allowing those negative patterns to dictate my day and my mood.
It was pretty easy to do this considering the hormonal rollercoaster I’ve been on since my hysterectomy that threw me right into menopause. Then of course when they removed my thyroid a few years back, well, they took that filter between mouth and brain as well, and my patience levels for things has been gone a long time. This impatience is worse when I turn it on myself and makes me not even want to be around myself much less anyone else in the world.
So I began my sharing the love campaign just to help combat the negative that seemed to be sweeping my world, along with some other changes I’ve been making, such as putting distance between myself and situations, not people so much as a situation that arises, or if they are just being negative or are trapped in negative, I give myself the space I need to allow this to wash over me not be absorbed into me. And when this negative is coming solely from me, I give myself a ‘shutdown’ and reenergize myself.
This also goes for those situations where people who are not around me believe they have all the answers on how to get me back on track. I think this is the part that bothers me most, because in the last year or so my life has taken some drastic hits change wise and I’ve been working very hard to incorporate those changes into my life.
The deal is, with my path comes a good bit of solitude, because frankly, a good many authors do live in seclusion. This does NOT mean there is something wrong with us, our attitude, our life, even our health. For without this isolation these aspects of life will decline. What may work for the ‘normal’ person does NOT work for the author, the writer, the ones who live more inside their heads than in the outer world.
I picked up a book yesterday and began reading it. One of the first books I haven’t already read that is completely non-fiction in a long time. This book is geared toward authors. Writing Alone Together, a sort of self-help book for authors J The three ladies who’ve written this book, really grasp the concept of what an author’s life is like and how ‘unnormal’ we really are.
When I picked up this book it was more for the writing retreat our writing group has coming up. Something that I, as chapter president, could incorporate into our chapter as well. Then as I began to read, the words spoke to me on a level that really told me, these women get it. They are not trying to mold me into the ‘normal’ they are talking about embracing the abnormal within myself.
To write characters effectively an author MUST embrace all the human emotions, live them, breathe them, allow them to consume them for a period of time. These are the tools we use in character writing. These are the aspects of life when writing a character we can sit back, reflect, and incorporate.
This is also why I am so adamant when I say, people don’t understand the artistic. Emotional rollercoasters are not healthy, for sure, however, someone with the arts in their blood MUST experience this phase of life to be effective in their craft. Maybe this is why you will hear the term, ‘moody’ when someone describes an author, artist, or musician?!?
Mingle this behavior trait with my faith and you will come to realize this is why I do not linger for too awful long, just long enough to embrace what I need to take with me into my chosen career.
My faith teaches me to embrace all, this does not just mean the sunshine and roses, this also means the dark corners of the mind, the midnight of the soul. I put no limits on the Powers That Be, for this would be limiting myself as well. For every season there is a reason. In the past I was blinded to this, today, I have grown enough to know, this too shall pass, however, there is a reason I’m here and I must find that purpose and embrace its pain, its anguish, and turn it around to be a positive production within my world.
I will give an example here. The darkest hour of my life served several purposes. The time my lovely granddaughter became an angel. For a period of time I tried to force myself to remain in the company of those who not only embraced me as a friend but also the man and his family who was directly responsible for making my granddaughter an angel. I told myself this was for the greater good of my soul. I was wrong on many levels with that thinking. This stalled my progress, my inner growth, and kept the wound open and seeping.
How can one move into healing if one inflicts self-harm?
Next, it went deeper, forcing me to look closer. Into relationships I had clung to even though they were not healthy relationships to begin with. They went against my grain, my internal beliefs, and for whatever reason I lingered within these relationships a long time. I knew I did not like the person I would become in these relationships, however, I thought I had come past allowing others to influence the person I am. One thing to keep in mind, no matter how far past this behavior you go, if you surround yourself with this lifestyle pattern you will eventually fall victim to it.
Next, the decision I made for my life it was time to face what I’d been avoiding in life. Look into relationships that not only held some of the harshest memories of my life but also some of the happiest memories of my world. This time I went into this bringing forth all I’d learned from the dormant period of these relationships. This has allowed me to make the most of the relationships in my life not only in this area but in other areas.
I examined the relationships closest to me. Realizing the one thing I would run from all too often is when things got too close to home emotionally. In opening my heart to a child that all I wanted to do was bring her home and love, only to know deep down this would never be, allowed me to face this fear and also gave me the knowledge that even in the most horrifying of situations I will survive, even if I just wanted to die. This beautiful angel touched my life and made me a better person for it. She helped me realize we have only this moment so make the most of it.
Lastly, this aspect of my life helped me to embrace emotions in my writing world I would otherwise have only been able to write mediocre. Dark areas of my writing that required me to go deeper into my own self. Scary places I would rather not see, but go there I must and have.
So in conclusion, to all the people in my life…
My non writing family and friends, I’m good. Please quit trying to mold me into ‘normal’ and please quit making me feel as if there is something wrong with me and my inner world because I do NOT fit your line of thinking on how I SHOULD be. This in itself brings more of a burden to my heart than what I may be dealing with.
To my writer friends, I am blessed every day that this aspect of my life you not only understand but allow me the freedom to just be… you get that being alone is our happy place and how large crowds or even small crowds can sometimes be so overwhelming we find ourselves lost in the jumble.
Everyone have a lovely day!!!
Blessings to all!!!